Creating a Morning Routine for Night Owls

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from Pixabay. Image by Comfreak/Jonny Lindner

Hate getting up every morning? Me too.

For us night owls and slow starters, mornings bring a special kind of torture. As someone who has trouble falling asleep before 6 a.m., I know all about the struggle of pulling yourself out of bed right in the thick of sleep and dreaming. In fact, for a long time, I’ve found it difficult to get myself together and ready to start working until late in the afternoon.

Like other night owls, I hit the peak of my productivity, energy, and creativity around midnight. But the truth is that unless you’ve got full command of your schedule, are self-employed, or work the night shift, there’s just no workaround when it comes to daytime living. The fact is that we live in a world where banks, government agencies, and a large number of businesses still operate within the standard 8-5 or 9-6 schedule.

So, how exactly can a night owl adapt and thrive in a world that caters to morning people? Well, it all starts with establishing an effective morning routine. The following are the tips I’ve found most helpful in chipping away at my wake-up time. Now, you don’t have to do all the things in this list, but hopefully, you’ll find some of the items helpful on your journey to becoming an earlier, if not early, riser.

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep.

According to an article by the National Sleep Foundation, experts recommend that adults get roughly 7-9 hours of sleep each day. Now, 7-9 hours of sleep every day can seem like a pretty tall order, especially if you’re juggling two jobs, have kids to take care of, or have an ever-expanding to-do list that you need to sift through. But the fact remains that prolonged sleep deprivation can have adverse effects on your mental and physical health. (You can read more about the effects of sleep deprivation on Science Daily.) So as much as possible, do try to go for at least seven hours of sleep each night.

Now, on the days where getting seven hours of sleep just isn’t possible—and there will be days like that—I recommend finding your personal sweet spot when it comes to minimum hours of sleep. You know, that number of hours wherein you may still feel a bit tired but can otherwise power through the day with little trouble.  The number varies from one person to another. I have friends who swear by sleeping 3-4 hours most days, my husband feels at his best with 6 hours of sleep, and as for me, it’s 5.5 hours or 8.

Finding that sweet spot will take some time, but you’ll know it when you hit it. I just don’t recommend relying on this trick too often.

Get ready to get up at the same time every day. And I mean every day.

This might just be the most crucial part of your morning routine. Now, we all know that the key to developing any habit is consistency. And since the goal here is to get up earlier, it’s important to note that the only way to successfully modify your sleep-wake cycle is through creating lasting change in your body’s circadian rhythm and, consequently, its biological clock.

The National Institute of General Medical Sciences has this really informative fact sheet on circadian rhythms that’s definitely worth a read. But in case you don’t have time to read the article, here are some key takeaways that you might find interesting. First, your circadian rhythm is what determines a lot of your body’s biological functions. We’re talking sleep-wake cycles, eating habits, hormone release, and even your moods. Disruptions to its natural rhythm have been linked to various health conditions like diabetes, obesity, insomnia, and even depression and bipolar disorder.

So, where does waking up early fit in this scenario? Well, here’s your second takeaway. As the article puts it, “Circadian rhythms help determine our sleep patterns.” It signals your body’s SCN or master clock to produce melatonin, a.k.a. the sleep hormone. This is a process that peaks at night. Hence most people feel wide awake during the daytime and then become increasingly groggy as the night progresses.

Because our bodies are predisposed to slip into sleep mode at night, theoretically, it should be easier to transition into nighttime sleeping rather than dozing off once the day breaks. Now, I recognize that this isn’t always the case. I, myself, have gone through periods wherein the only way to sleep through the night was with copious amounts of wine, a few sips of antihistamine, or a p.m. pill or two. But I’ve also found through experience that in the long run, nighttime sleeping is more restful than the lengthiest daytime snooze. Plus, long-term night shift work has been associated with a lot of health risks, including heart disease, ulcer, and even some types of cancer. This is why, unless you absolutely have to work at night, it pays to shift into daytime living.

Since changing your sleep pattern now will cause some ripples in your circadian rhythm, it’s important that you try to stabilize your body’s biological clock as soon as possible. This is where waking up at the same time every day comes in. By getting up at the same time every day for a few weeks, you’re employing the necessary change to your schedule while also giving your body the period it needs to settle into its new rhythm.

But what about the weekends? Well, this is the tricky part. See, getting up late should be fine once in a while, but sleeping in too often will definitely make it harder to turn this practice into habit. So, if you’re serious about making a change to your timetable, make it a point to get up at roughly the same time every day—whether we’re talking Manic Mondays or Slowdown Sundays.

Invest in the right alarm clock.

One of these days, you’re not going to need an alarm clock to get up in the morning. However, let’s be honest. If you’re reading this article, today is not going to be that day. Neither is tomorrow. So, go ahead and use your phone’s built-in alarm clock as your personal rooster for as long as you need to.

But if you’re a sleepyhead like me, chances are, you’ve found yourself immune to your phone’s alarm. That thing could ring, buzz, and ping for hours and you’d still be out cold ‘til noon. It’s a good thing that there are a lot of alarm clocks out there that are designed specifically for heavy sleepers. In this list from Health.com, there’s even one that will legit shred your money if you don’t get up on time. Now, that’s too hardcore for me and I’m too lazy to maintain another gizmo (other than my laptop and phone), so I prefer downloading apps. If you’re more of an app person like me, here’s a list of android and iPhone alarm clock apps from TechUntold.

I’ve tried about half of the apps on the list, but the one that has worked best for me is Alarmy—specifically the barcode option. I use the barcode of a book that I keep in another room, and the alarm just keeps going until I get up and scan that barcode. It’s equal parts maddening and effective.

To snooze or not to snooze?

It’s unanimous. All productivity experts agree that the key to getting up early is killing one’s snooze-hitting habits. But, honestly, I still haven’t gotten to that point where the first alarm is good enough. In case you’re in the same boat, one thing I recommend is to set alarms in three-minute intervals—and to also use your phone’s alarm. That way, it’s impossible to get back to sleep for the next 30 minutes or so.

Make your bed first thing in the morning.

According to this article from CNBC’s website, people who make their beds first thing in the morning tend to feel more productive and driven compared to their non-bedmaking counterparts. They also tend to be confident, adventurous, and sociable early risers. So, how can one simple habit boost a person’s sociability and productivity?

Well, productivity experts including retired U.S. Navy Admiral SEAL William H. McCraven, author of the bestselling book “Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe the World,” believe that this is down to that sense of accomplishment that comes with ticking off the “first task of the day.” This simple chore takes but a few minutes of your time, keeps you from crawling back into bed, and helps fuel your productivity throughout the day. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Find 20 minutes of ME time or Meditate.

Now, I don’t know about you, but one of the things that make mornings so distasteful to me is the harried feeling that comes with rushing from one task to the other. By the time I get dressed, I’m exhausted and up to my neck in stress that the only thing I want to do is crawl back into bed. But here’s the beauty of getting up earlier than you have to. You can make time to slow your morning down into something enjoyable. It doesn’t have to be a complete hour—though if you can squeeze that hour in without being late, then go for it!

At the risk of sounding hokey, sometimes all you need is a few minutes to sit down and take in the opportunities that come with the new day. Take a bit of time for yourself. Meditate if you can or just sit down with a notebook and map out how you want the rest of the day to look. Get your to-do list together. You may not tick off all the boxes on your list, but at the very least, your day will have purpose and direction.

Choosing Happiness: Are You a Maximizer or a Satisficer?

A couple of months ago, I hit a slump—and I mean, I really hit it. Creatively, physically, socially, emotionally, financially, and mentally. Pretty much any other word you can append a –ly to. Ecumenically. As far as winters of discontent go, this one was admittedly pretty middling, but harsh enough to warrant a bit of sunshine. So, out went one of my favorite summer self-improvement reads, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.

Now, one of the things I love about The Happiness Project is that despite having the word Happiness right-smack in the middle of its title, it’s not an overly sentimental, leap-of-faith, and hokey-ish kind of read. In fact, Rubin spends quite a lot of time citing different studies from psychologists, anthropologists, neurologists, philosophers, and other health and happiness experts. She looks at happiness as something attainable, something you can work towards through a series of actionable items. And I like that. During moments when it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, I need to know that I can still bring my own lamp—light my own way.

So, while I’m in the process of sifting through muck, I wanted to share my thoughts about some of the ideas I’m currently reading about. For today, we’re taking a look at how a person’s decision-making process affects his or her happiness.

Maximizers and Satisficers: A Definition of Terms

One of my favorite ideas from The Happiness Project is something that Rubin picked up from the American psychologist, Barry Schwartz. In Schwartz’s book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, he discusses how being faced with so many options can cause us anxiety, stress, and even analysis paralysis. He talks about two distinct types of shoppers—the maximizer and the satisficer.

Now, in the world of economics, it is assumed that buyers are geared towards availing of the best services and products available. Maximizers fit this assumption perfectly. The maximizer is the type of shopper who wants to make the best and the most informed decisions at all times. Even when faced with a product or service that ticks all the boxes, the maximizer won’t be able to make up his or her mind until all options have been examined or exhausted.

For the maximizer, there is always this nagging feeling that something better might be out there. In a way, you can say that maximizers are the consummate perfectionists of the buying world. The maximizer will not settle for anything less than the best. Now, according to an article from Psychology Today, the upside to not settling is that “overall, maximizers achieve better outcomes than satisficers.”

In a 2012 study from Swarthmore College, it was discovered that recent graduates with maximizing tendencies ended up accepting jobs with starting salaries that were up to 20% higher than their satisficing counterparts. However, despite earning more than their peers, the perfectionist aspect of the maximizers still had these graduates second-guessing their decisions. They were still asking themselves, “What if there’s a better option out there?” They were more prone to comparing themselves to others as a way of gauging whether or not they’ve ended up with the best possible outcome.

See, the main downside to being a maximizer is that you’re less certain about the choices you make. This makes a maximizing shopper more prone to disappointment and buyer’s remorse, which in turn lessens his or her happiness levels.

And happiness is where satisficers earn a leg up over their maximizing peers. See, unlike the maximizer and his/her sky-high expectations, satisficers tend to live by a more modest criteria. Don’t get me wrong, the satisficing customer isn’t about to settle for anything less than what he/she originally wanted, but once a product or a service meets the shopper’s requirements, he/she will have no qualms making a decision. And unlike the maximizer, the satisficer stops looking for other options, thereby inoculating him/her against buyer’s remorse.

This is the point that Barry Schwartz makes in The Paradox of Choice. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers because they’re perfectly content with “good enough.” They don’t agonize as much over their decisions; and if you think about it, that’s really not a bad way to go through life.

So, are you a Satisficer, a Maximizer, or are you a mix of both?

Now, the beauty of learning about these tendencies is that it lets us take a step back to evaluate what’s important to us and what works for us. Both shopping personalities offer great advantages. Some people are perfectly happy being maximizers, while others swear by their satisficing tendencies. Others still, are a mix of both. They’re maximizers when it comes to certain areas in their lives and satisficers in other areas.

So, which type are you? If you’re unsure about which category you fall under, here’s a Maximizer vs Satisficer Quiz from Psychologist World. Me, I’m 65% a satisficer and 35% a maximizer. How about you?

Secrets to a Happy and Lasting Marriage

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February 17, 2017. Today, the world celebrates Random Acts of Kindness Day, and while I’m all for practicing this non-official holiday, the date takes on a more significant meaning within the walls of our family home. Forty-two years ago, my parents made a vow to stay committed to each other for the rest of their lives—and so far (and so, forevermore), they’ve made good on that promise.

Theirs is a marriage that has been tested by my father’s illness and the rigors of raising four children, and with every test they’ve come across, they have emerged stronger than ever. Now, that is the type of commitment that every couple should aspire for. To commemorate this very special day, I’ve decided to write about marriage—specifically, the secrets to a lasting and happy marriage.

So, with that in mind, what are the secrets to a happy union? I suppose that that’s the million dollar question. In a world where most romantic relationships crumble and a trip down the aisle is no longer much of a guarantee for ‘forever,’ how does one begin to build the foundation for a strong and healthy marriage? Before I go about trying to answer that question, let me back those statements with statistics.

Staying is the New Shame

A few months ago, while on a TED trip on YouTube, I came across a very interesting talk by the renowned Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel. Although her talk was mostly about rethinking infidelity in the marriage context, she did touch on a myriad of factors why relationships tend to fail.

According to Perel, prior to marriage becoming the natural ‘next step’ after two people fall in love, marriage was more of an ‘economic enterprise.’ It was an agreement between two families for their betterment and a way for a man to ensure that his wife’s children were his. It was a way of making sure that his children were the ones who will inherit the cows, the land, etc.

Marrying for love, on the other hand, is a rather recent phenomenon. And yet, if nowadays, we get to choose the person we marry, why are so many couples still splitting up? In the context of infidelity, this is what Perel has to say:

But then we have another paradox that we’re dealing with these days. Because of this romantic ideal, we are relying on our partner’s fidelity with a unique fervor, but we also have never been more inclined to stray. And not because we have new desires today, but because we live in an era where we feel entitled to pursue our desires, because this is the culture where “I deserve to be happy.” And if we used to divorce because we were unhappy, today we divorce because we could be happier. And if divorce carried all the shame, today, choosing to stay when you can leave is the new shame.”

And indeed, divorce has become the go-to option for many couples when their marriages hit a series of snags. And, quite frankly, I’m not against divorce so long as it really is what’s best for the couple. But, here is the caveat. Divorce may be the best cure for a rotten marriage, true. However, isn’t prevention still better than any cure? The truth is, the average number of divorces worldwide may have dropped since the 1980s, but it’s still pretty high.

 

According to Divorce.com, a website that claims to be “Your best resource before, during, and after a divorce,” there are a number of countries where divorce rates per capita exceed 50% of the married population. The top five countries in their list include Belarus (68%), the Russian Federation (65%), Sweden (64%), Latvia (63%), and Ukraine (63%). The United Kingdom sits at 10th place (53%) and the United States is at 12th place (49%). The site also has a disclaimer about the difficulties of being absolutely accurate with their figures, so let’s try another round of statistics.

This time, it’s from an article from The Telegraph called “The Haven for Honeymooners Where Everyone Gets Divorced.” According to the September 2016 article, the Maldives has been recognized by the Guinness Book of Records for being the divorce capital of the world. We’re looking at 10.97 divorces per year for every 1,000 people in the country. According to the UN, the average Maldivian woman would have had three divorces by the time she’s 30—talk about a major quarter-life crisis.Also making it to the top five countries with the highest annual divorces per 1,000 inhabitants are Russia (4.5), Aruba (4.4), Belarus (4.1), Latvia (3.6), and the United States (3.6)

Supposing that the actual number of divorces per head in the aforementioned countries are slightly lower than reported, when placed in the context of how a lot of these marriages are ‘love matches,’ these figures remain rather unsettling.

Now, more than ever, it feels imperative that couples know the secrets that will inoculate their unions against the possibility of ruin. This brings us to the article’s original question: What makes for a happy and lasting marriage?

The eminent French philosopher Michel de Montaigne has a humorous answer to the question. According to Montaigne:

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”        

Now, the statement may be funny, but if it were true, the vast majority of the world’s couples are screwed. Let’s try again.

Is it LOVE?

Love, it seems, would be the logical answer to the question, right?

The Oxford Living Dictionary defines love as “a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone,” and “a great interest and pleasure in something.” Now, that sounds about right; after all, the sexual attraction bit is what would differentiate husband/wife from friend or relative.

Another definition for the word love, particularly in the realm of sports, is “a score of zero; or nil.” That sounds about right too. Because as the great thinkers Sartre, Pierre Reverdy, and Jean Cocteau have pointed out:

“There is no love; there are only proofs of love.”

Cue Natalie Portman’s epic scene in the film Closer, where her character, Alice, tells Jude Law’s character, Dan: “Where is this love? I can’t see it, I can’t touch it. I can’t feel it. I can hear it, I can hear some words, but I can’t do anything with your easy words.”

The film came out right about the time I was taking my Theology 131 class called “Marriage, Family Life, and Human Sexuality.” Although the rest of the semester is pretty much a blur now, I do remember one particular lecture from my professor. He talked about the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

The feeling of being ‘in love’ is not something you can control. It’s the honeymoon phase of the relationship—the part where desire (or hormones) is present. And quite frankly, as anyone who’s ever been in a long-term relationship will tell you, this phase is temporary. It’s one you can rekindle multiple times in your relationship, but it’s not always present, nor is it always necessary.

Real, lasting love is a decision you make every day. See, you may not always be in love with your partner, but so long as you love him/her—and to love is still very much an action word as it is a noun—then there’s hope for ‘so long as you both shall live.’

I believe that the main secret to a lasting relationship lies in the constant practice of that action word called ‘love,’ and the following are the factors that make love in a marriage possible.

RESPECT

Respect is a fundamental part of loving someone. While it’s true that you can respect people you don’t necessarily love or even like, (your boss, your teacher, an actor/actress, a politician, etc.), it’s impossible to love someone without having a modicum of respect for that person.

Now, I’ve read a number of articles, that I won’t put here out of respect for their authors, detailing the importance of respecting one’s husband—his authority, choices, and decisions—and while I agree with these authors in some ways, I do believe that respect is a two-way street. It is just as important for a husband to respect his partner, and I’m not backing down on this.

FRIENDSHIP OR COMPANIONSHIP

“The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” – Jackie Kennedy

I’m not going to knock Jackie Kennedy’s statement—there is some truth to it after all. But I, for one, believe in marrying for love and companionship the first time. It will save you the heartbreak and the wallet drain of two divorces. This is a sentiment that Franz Schubert and Friedrich Nietzsche appear to be in agreement with. To quote them both:

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” – Franz Schubert

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

CONTENTMENT

This is advice better said in the Huffington Post article called “America’s ‘Longest Married Couple’ Wants to Give You Love Advice.” The article features a 2016 interview with John and Ann Betar, a couple who have been married for 83 wonderful years.

The couple had eloped in 1932, when Ann was just 17 years old, and John was just 21. Ann’s family had wanted her to marry an older man, so the couple decided to run off and build a beautiful life together. According to John, the secret to their long marriage is contentment.

“We struggled in the beginning, but, luckily, we were content with what we had. It’s just important to be content with what you have.”

Now, that’s pretty sound advice, wouldn’t you agree?

KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY (PARTICULARLY, GENEROSITY OF INTENT)

In 2014, The Atlantic released an interview with esteemed psychologists John and Julie Gottman. The couple has been studying other marrieds for four decades in a bid to determine what makes relationships last and what factors contribute to their decay.

According to the Gottmans’ research, kindness is the glue that keeps couples together. It is in practicing kindness that we are able to make our partners feel our love. Now, it is easy to be kind to your partner when everything is going well; but kindness is most needed not during these periods of happiness but during the down times, during periods of fighting and brewing contempt.

As Julie Gottman puts it, “Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express our anger, but the kindness informs how we choose to express the anger. You can throw spears at your partner. Or you can explain why you’re hurt and that’s the kinder path.”

This is also where generosity (of intent) comes in. When your partner does or says something that is hurtful to you, it is important to give your partner some ‘benefit of the doubt.’ Instead of immediately assuming the malevolence of an act, try to find its root. Beyond seeking to be understood, also seek to understand.

GRATITUDE

Last, but not least, there is the importance of expressing love through gratitude. In 2012, an article from Psychology Today discussed the role of appreciation and gratitude in maintaining relationships. It talked about a study conducted by U.C. Berkeley psychologist Amie Gordon. The study, which was featured in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, involved asking 50 couples to write in appreciation journals.

The results of the study showed that couples who practiced reciprocal appreciation were more likely to stay together in the following months. They also exhibited stronger ties with each other. So, it’s true. Showing love through appreciation really does help create a loving and nourishing environment for couples.

Now, I’m sure that this list of ‘secrets’ is far from complete, but I do believe that practicing these tips can help secure a lasting, healthy, and happy marriage. At the very least, true love is always worth the shot, right?

Creativity may thrive in Chaos but Productivity Favors the Tidy

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While writing my review on Marie Kondo’s hugely popular book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” I came across a very interesting study on the correlation between creativity and ‘mess.’

In 2013, Psychological Science published a study that proved how having a ‘disorderly’ space could actually yield more creative thinking. The study was led by Kathleen Vohs, a psychological scientist from the University of Minnesota. Vohs had conducted an experiment wherein half of the participants were asked to stay in a ‘clean’ room, while the other half stayed in a ‘messy’ room. They were then instructed to think up of new ways to use ping pong balls.

Although both groups came up with the same number of suggestions, the answers from the participants staying in the cluttered room were deemed to be more interesting and creative. Now, as a hoarder and an aspiring writer, this is the type of study that I could really get behind.

However, in another 2013 experiment, this time by Boyoun (Grace) Chae and Rui (Juliet) Zhu, it appears that productivity may actually favor employees working in a neat environment. In the article published in the Harvard Business Review, the duo detailed an experiment involving 100 students. The undergraduates were brought to either a cluttered space strewn with paperwork and used cups or an orderly desk. The students were then asked to solve a geometrical problem—an unsolvable one—that entailed finding a way to trace the figure without lifting pencil from paper or retracing lines.

The result? Students working in the ‘messy’ environment gave up after an average of just 669 seconds. Compare that to the average 1,117 seconds that the students in the ‘neat’ environment were able to keep up. Now, while this may be a study on persistence rather than direct productivity, we all know that to succeed in anything, you’ll need to have the patience to stick it out.

So, does that mean that messy creatives aren’t productive and the neat go-getters aren’t creative? Not necessarily. Perhaps the solution lies in the middle ground. In life, few things are ever really black or white. Ultimately, I believe that everything boils down to preference and personality. That, or one should always keep one’s desk neat but with inspiration-driving clutter within reach. Food for thought.